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Written by Rayne
Ch.5 The Great Duncan and Rayne War!"What are you cooking, Rosa?" I asked as I walked into the Station kitchen.
"I'm creating the next big hit in the Latino food community! And your gonna get to try it first!"
I walked over to the stove and looked into the cooking pot. "EWWWW nasty lookin! And you expect me to eat that."
"Are you insulting my cooking?" Rosa asked as she started walking over towards me.
"If it looks like that then yes." I said as I started to back away. Rosa was getting a little too close.
"You have insulted my honor and I must correct that!" Rosa was heading towards the drawers of silverware, knives, and spoons.
"Rosa, I didn't insult you, I just didn't try that stuff. But I can I really can!"
"It is too late for that I must fix this injustice that you have caused." She opened a drawer and took out a large wooden spoon.
"It's a WOODEN SPOON!" I said laughing.
"And I'm gonna beat ya with it!"
"Not if I have a say in it!" I jumped and picked up another wooden spoon. "Wait, Time!"
"What Rayne?"
"We need music! We can't have a good battle with out some music."
"What kind of music?"
"You know bass, bumping, booty moving music. Some DMX!"
"Sounds good to me."
I put the cd in and turned the sub-woofers on and turned the bass up. "Now lets fight!"
"En Guard""Macleod I cannot concentrate with all of this music and with the table vibrating!" Methos complained. "Go ask them to turn it down!"
I ducked to the left and blocked a shoot. And was ready to swing when...
"Could you two turn it down?" Mac asked.
In mid-swing I turned and the spoon slipped from my hand, the handle flying right towards Mac and it went his chest and into his heart killing him.
"Oops"
"I think I hear Chris calling I'd better be getting home." Rosa said as she started to get out of the kitchen.
"Wimp!" I yelled just as Cel walked in."Why is there a spoon sticking out of his chest?" Cel asked.
"You'll never guess what happened. This tree came into the kitchen and said "U dirty rat you killed my brother!" and stabbed him with the spoon."
"And then this aliens abducted him and took him to the planet Zochilait and conducted experiments on him." Cel said with a raised eyebrow.
"That is exactly what happened!" I said. By that time I had walked over to the still dead Mac and was attempting to remove the spoon. Let me tell you guys something, immortals bleed a lot!
"Cel, I have a question..... Oh my god! Is he?..." DJ asked.
"Yup, he's really a woman." I said before even thinking.
"RAYNE!" DJ said.
Looking at Cel I said, "I know, I know I'm in trouble.""I can't believe you got in trouble for accidently killing Mac" Silver Moon said as she helped me rig my 3-D puzzle of the London Bridge for demolition. "I mean it's not like you meant to kill him."
"I know but it's their little "Dunkie" and god forbid anything happens to him." I said as I attached to final bit of explosive to the bridge.
"Maybe we should say something before we blow it up." Silver said as I was about to blow it up.
"El Gato in a Sombro" BOMB! "How was that?"
"Dr. Seuss, now that's great literature."
"I thought so. Okay now that we have blown up London Bridge puzzle, The White House puzzle, and everything else that I needed to get rid of lets see how loud these new 7 ft. speakers go." I said as I walked over to the new sound system.
"Cool with me. How about a little Montell Jordan featuring Master P. Then after that a little Usher."
"Of course." I headed over to the sound system.
"Is the bass boosted up all of the way?" Silver asked.
"Does LL Cool J have sexy lips?"
"Yeah!"
"Then there's your answer. Okay now lets see how good this thing is." I pushed the power button and nothing happened.
"Is it plugged in?"
"Yeah I plugged it in and made sure it worked. Let me see if someone rewired it... Oh my god the wires have been cut! Silver what kind of knife or I should say sword mark does this look like?"
"Katana." Silver said as she raised an eyebrow.
"Do you know what that means?"
"Yeah it means either someone is playing with a Katana or..."
"Or Mac's just decided to tick me off."
"Maybe you should ask him?" Silver said, hoping I would be nice and not kill him.
We walked, or at least Silver walked, I stormed into Mac's room.
"Duncan Macleod did you cut the wires to my speakers?" I demanded.
"What she means is 'Do you know who cut the wires to her speakers?'" Silver said.
"No I didn't, I meant just what I said."
"Subtlety, it's a great thing."
"I'm subtle"
"When?" asked Silver.
"I'm subtle when someone wears shoes that don't go with their outfits, when someone gets a bad dye job or a bad haircut, I'm also subtle when someone is dating a complete idiot. But when someone screws with my stuff I'm not subtle! So did you or didn't you Macleod?"
"What if I did!?"
"Then it's an act of war!" I said.
"Then I cut your stupid wires!" Mac said.
"Then all I gotta say is Babe your ass is grass!" I said and stormed out.
"Is she for real?" Mac asked with a little laugh.
"Well I hate to tell ya but she's gonna kick your butt." Silver said, as she walked out of the room.
"I can't believe your doing this Rayne. I mean, so he cut the wires to your speakers. You know revenge isn't a good thing." Pogo said as I was raiding Duncan's closet.
"Pog, let me ask you something. Does the term 'be quiet while I do this' mean anything to you?"
"Fine but if we get caught I'm not the one whose gonna get into trouble."
"Don't worry about it I've already found what I was looking for." I said as I pulled out this gorgeous green shirt. It's Mac's favorite.
"What are you gonna do with that shirt?" Pog asked as I started to erase the fingerprints.
"The less you know the better you are." I said and started walking out of the room."RAYNE you little rat! I'm gonna kill you!" Duncan screamed. As he ran out of his room with the green, well, now tie-dyed shirt in hand.
I had been polishing my toe-nails so I took my time putting the lid back on the polish.
"Oh I'm sorry was that yours. I thought it was a rag so I wanted to try out my new dyes."
"Oh that is it! Say goodbye to Tigger!" Mac said as he started for my room.
"NO!" I screamed as I tried to chase him. Now you have to remember I had just painted my toe-nails and they were still wet, and I had cotton between my toes and I really couldn't run. So as you guess he got there first.
"Say your goodbyes." Then Mac bent Tigger down and chopped off his head.
"TIGGER! NO! Oh dear lord no!" I screamed, and then reached for my loaded bazooka. "Now you die for real!"
"Rayne don't you dare!" Cait said as she walked over to me and took my weapon back. "If you two are gonna have a war then we're gonna have peace meetings."A couple of hours later we all meet in the war room.
"Now Rayne I'm gonna let you go first." Cait said. "I want you to tell us what you want in order to end then war, and you can't say Duncan's head on a silver platter either. Then when she's done, you will go Duncan."
"I want the head to my beloved Tigger sown back on, my speaker wires reattached. I also want all new Trolls for the ones that he cut all of the hair off on. I want my 'How to talk about men and still be politically correct' poster back...."
"Now hold on I want to say something I...." Mac said.
"Mouth moving still talking!" I said.
"That's it peace meetings are over the war is back on!" Mac said as he stormed out of the room.
"Great, I couldn't stand being any nicer to you!" I said as I also stormed out of the room.
"Well that was productive." Cait said as she rubber her temples.
"Yeah, but at least Rayne doesn't have a loaded weapon pointed at Mac." CC said as the rest of the group gave her a dirty look. "Hey I'm just looking for the clouds silver lining."
"Mac, she is just a child." Joe said as Mac was preparing for attack.
"Joe she is not a child, she is a spawn of Satan!" Duncan yelled as he put his favorite sheets in a safe.
Joe got up and left the room. He walked down the hallway towards CC and Cait's little makeshift peace room (It's really my Dr. Seuss/Albert Einstein shrine but they asked and it's kinda holy ground, I mean it just is!)
"CC, Cait we have a slight snag I can't seem to convince Mac that Rayne is just a kid and that Rayne won't kill him. But he is convinced that she is the spawn of Satan." Joe said as he sat down.
"Not much of a stretch now is it." Cait said as she sipped her coffee.
"As true as that may be, we need to end this war and soon. Somebody might get hurt." CC said.
Three days later Mac with his army, and me with my army met in the giant ball room and prepared for the final battle.
"Psst, Cel come here." DJ whispered.
"What?" Cel whispered as she walked over.
"Why is her army bigger then ours?"
"Those are her friends."
"Okay one more question. What do you think they are talking about?"
"I have no idea DJ.""Hey Rayne come here." Whispered my friend Lyz with a y.
"What."
"Do u think Herman still likes me?"
"LYZ! I don't care Herman! We're not here to talk about Herman We're here to fight!"
"Hey Ray." Stefie whispered as she walked over with our friend Emily.
"What Stef."
"What do you think their talking about?" Stef asked.
"I don't know why don't you go over an ask." I said.Let's get the bloody battle on!" Screamed some Irish guy.
"Hey who are you?" I asked.
"I'm here for the beer!"
"Everybody here for drugs, alcohol, or sex please leave now!" I screamed.
Then all that was left were the Station people and some of my friends.
"Okay let's get this over with I need to do my laundry." Az said.
"ARRRGGGGHHHH!" Screamed Duncan as he charged me.
"WAR has begun!"
Bombs, swords, and every kind of weapon ever made was being used in the battle. Suddenly one of the big screen tv's in the room came on and then all of the girls in my army screamed..... "Yoda!!" and ran towards the tv and sat down and watched Yoda.
"Two can play at that game!" I ran to the other tv and turned it on and went to the Disney channel. Winnie the Pooh was on and Roo was on too. All of the ladies on Mac's team went to the tv and screamed.... "Roo!"
Then it was just one on one. Duncan and I fought sword vs sword.
Then...
"Ouch! You cut me!" I screamed.
"Oh Rayne are you okay?!" Duncan asked.
"Yeah it's just a small wound. I'll be okay."
"Oh I can't believe I hit you, I feel so bad!"
"Don't worry about it."
"I never should have started this war!" Mac said.
"Hey it wasn't just you, it was me, too. Since one of us is already in pain, we should call it a truce."
"Truce and I'll buy ya an ice cream sundae."
"You don't have to, I have a whole stash of ice cream and German Chocolate Cake." I said.
"Deal!" Mac said.
We walked out and into the kitchen.A few hours later...
"Hey where did they go?" Asked Cel.
"Who cares Roo's on, and oh look, Winnie!" DJ said.
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