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Our Jester is still apparently occupied, ummmm, with a do not disturb sign on the door :) We thought she got scared when the Castle Assassin frowned, but the Jester should be back, we hope.... The Castle Cleric will continue to post jokes for you. Now, remember, we don't let him out of his cell much, so he is a little rusty. Right now, we have many many jokes waiting to be posted. We may take input at a later time.
We claim neither right nor anything else to these funnies. They have all been passed around by email and other means. If you see one that should have a copyright or author's name attached, PLEASE let the Assassin know! He will see that the Cleric is appropriately punished for breaking the rules.
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ADAM & EVE
One day The Lord came to Adam to
pass on some news. "I've got some good
news and some bad news", The Lord
said.
Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
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The local bar was so sure its bartender
was the strongest man around that they
offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
of juice out of the lemon would win the money.
Many people had tried over time,
(weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody
could do it. One day this scrawny
little man came in wearing thick eyeglasses and a polyester suit, and said
in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down,
the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter
turned to total silence as six drops fell out of the lemon remains into
the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter or what?"
The little man replied, "I work for the IRS".
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An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in Denver for being
smart and funny, and making her
point, when confronted with a passenger
who probably deserved to fly as
cargo.
During the final days at Denver's
old Stapleton airport, a crowded United
flight was cancelled.A single agent
was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an
angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his
ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it
has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "Fuck You."
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
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ANOTHER BLONDE ON A PLANE
A blonde gets on an airplane to
the Bahamas and sits in first class. The stewardess looks at her
ticket and politely asks her to move to coach. The
blonde replies, "No, I'm beautiful
and blonde and I don't have to move."
Another stewardess comes along and tells her she must move. Again she replies, "No, I'm beautiful and blonde and I won't move."
One of the stewardesses goes and gets the captain. After trying to reason with the blonde (a doomed maneuver from the outset), he leans down and whispers in her ear. The blonde gets up quietly and moves back to the cheap seats. The stewardesses are amazed. "What did you say to her?" they ask.
The captain replies, "I told her that first class doesn't go to the Bahamas."
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Coming soon
Old
Jester's Post Page 4
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